I Don't Want to Wait
by Megan12
Summary: He goes off to war...will he ever be the same again?
1. Default Chapter

Prologue

It was once said by someone that war changes a person. How very true this is. If anyone has ever had a loved one go to war, when he or she returns they are not the same person that they used to be. Who knows what they saw while they were away, I wouldn't want to see it. Children dying, adults dying, people around you dying and friends dying in your arms. My Grandpa, whom we call Papa, was in World War II. He always tells us about how he watched his best friend in the war die in his arms. It scares me to think about the pain is must have been to go through this.\par \tab People change but sometimes only one little thing can change your life that you now know. I doesn't matter what it is, it could be anything from getting hit with a bat to having a best friend pass away. So how do people deal with what happens in war? They used to give soldiers cigarettes to help them calm their nerves, whether it helped I don't know. But I do know that war changes a person and no matter what they will never again be the same.

-It was like everything was being taken away from him as he sat there and watched his friends die in the explosion. He was the only one who had survived and he would forever live with the sight of people burning, children screaming and parents crying over the loss of their children. He could only imagine what would happen if he lost his kids, he doubted that he would be able to function without them. \par \tab It was long after and the war was finally over, he was going home. How could he ever be himself again with all that he had seen? He never would. But he couldn't wait to get home to his family and make sure that they were all okay. He would never again leave them. Never again.-


	2. I don't want to wait

I Don't Want To Wait  
  
This is a songfic based on the song I Don't Want to Wait sung by Paula Cole.   
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the character, only using them for entertainment purposes. But the people's names that you don't recognize are mine.  
  
It was the day Chandler was to take of for the war and Monica didn't want to be out of his arms even though he had to leave in three hours. The kids were going to miss him so much, and the baby was still so young.  
  
"Mon, you awake honey?" Chandler asked.  
  
"Yea." Monica said rolling over to face her husband.  
  
"The baby will be up soon."   
  
"Yea I know."   
  
"Is it okay if I get him?" Chandler asked beginning to get up.  
  
"Sure, I'll get Jake."  
  
Both getting out of bed the two walked together down the hall before parting and each going into separate rooms and to each son. Monica walked into Jake's room and opened the shade on his window.  
  
"Open up those little eyes Jackie."  
  
"Just a few more minutes of sleep Mom."  
  
"No, I'm gonna go help Dad with Matthew and when I come back I want you up and getting dressed, we have to take Dad today." she said before kissing him lightly on the head and walking into the adjoining room where her husband stood just looking at their son.   
  
"He's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Chandler said the tears beginning to well up in his eyes.  
  
"Yea, he gets his looks from his Daddy."  
  
"No, looks would definitely be from his Mother." Chandler said turning around and kissing his wife lovingly on the lips each not wanting to have to face reality.  
  
"Wake up sleepyhead." Chandler said gently ruffling his son's hair.  
  
"Let him sleep Chandler. We'll eat then come get him ready, he was awake all night. Let's go take a shower while Jake starts on the journey of getting up."  
  
"Okay." Chandler said taking his wife's hand and walking to the bathroom where they both stepped into the warm rain of water, each allowing the water to mix with their tears.  
  
"I love you Chandler." Monica said as she washed his hair for him.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
So open up your morning light,  
  
And say a little prayer for I  
  
you know that if we are to stay alive  
  
Then see the peace in every eye.  
  
Getting out a half hour later the two began to cook breakfast together, not wanting to spend a moment apart. Jake walked up to his Mom and tugged on her pants.  
  
"Mommy, I'm hungry."  
  
"I know baby, I'm cooking the food now."  
  
"But Daddy is helping and Daddy doesn't know how to cook."  
  
Chandler had to stifle a laugh "Well Jake you know me already, I can't cook. But with Mommy here, she doesn't let me make any mistakes." Bending down to whisper to Jake "Plus she is doing all of the work. She won't even let me make the toast!"  
  
"Mommy!! Let Daddy make the toast, even I can do that."  
  
Monica looked at Chandler, gave him an evil grin and began to chase him. Chandler ran out into the small living room while Monica grabbed onto him and pinned him to the ground poking him in his ribs. Jake just giggled as he watched his parents playing, looking more in love then they ever have. Just then Matthew began to cry and Monica gave Chandler a kiss before going to get the baby from his crib. Walking back into the kitchen, she saw her son and husband eating dinner and reading the paper together; Jake reading the comics and Chandler reading the sports page. A tear escaped her eye but she wiped it away before walking to the table.   
  
"So Jake I see that Daddy didn't screw up the food." Monica said jokingly.  
  
"That's because you cooked it." Chandler said before Jake had a chance to answer. Standing up he took Matthew from her and talked to him while he was placing him in the high chair as Monica got the baby's food ready and dished herself up a plate of food.  
  
All too soon it was time for Chandler to go. The truck beeped it's horn outside and she saw the look of sadness and fear cross her children's faces. Chandler didn't look to well either but she could tell he was trying to be strong for her. Walking over to Jake he kneeled down and gave him a huge hug kissing him on the head as he did so.  
  
"I love you son," he said "And no matter what I am always with you."   
  
Giving Jake a final kiss on the forehead Chandler made his way over to his youngest son who was in his makeshift playpen happily playing with his toys not knowing the chaos that was happening around him, just knowing that his parents were both very sad, and that made him too sad. Lifting him out Chandler wiped the tear that came to his eye. Giving Matthew a kiss on his small baby head he whispered how much he loved him before setting him back down. The truck blared it's horn again. Walking over to his crying wife and pulled her into a hug, trying not to think that this could be their last time together as a family. Willing himself not to cry he gave his wife a loving, passionate kiss before hugging her again.  
  
"I love you so much Mon." he said choking up.  
  
"I love you too Chandler." she said not even trying to wipe the tears away that were now freely flowing down her face.  
  
Walking to the door, Chandler took one last look at his family and grasped the picture he had placed in his pocket. Giving a small smile and blowing kisses he closed the door between them, putting him worlds away from his family. They watched him get onto the truck and leave. They all saw the tears falling down his face.  
  
The weeks passed and the family was beginning to fell the full effects of the man of the house being gone. Little Matthew more then anyone. He cried non-stop and wouldn't go to sleep unless one of his Daddy's shirts was with him. Jake slept with a shirt of Chandler's as well as did Monica. They could be seen at night all clutching one shirt for dear life, each saying a prayer for his safety and quick return.  
  
More weeks went by and every time the phone would ring Monica would go into a panic fearing the worst. But every time is was something different. But as the months went by she was beginning to lose hope and she was beginning to think that anytime that phone call would come telling her that her husband was dead, died in combat.  
  
She had two babies. One six months, one three.  
  
In the war of '44.  
  
Every telephone ring, every heartbeat stinging  
  
When she thought it was God calling her  
  
Oh would her son grow to know his father?  
  
Monica's brother, Ross, had safety come home from war. From what she was told, Chandler hadn't been seen in a while. They thought that he was a prisoner of war, but Monica kept telling herself that he wasn't. She couldn't let herself believe that her husband was most likely dead, she had to be strong for her kids. Calling places constantly, she got no or little information on the were abouts of Chandler, each week the news got lesser and lesser until they were telling her to just keep hoping.   
  
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,  
  
I want to know right now what will it be.  
  
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,  
  
Will it be yes or will it be sorry?  
  
The children had begun to learn how to live without their father. It had been two years and the boys were so much older, Jake was now five and Matthew was two years old. Chandler had missed so much in his son's lives that it hurt Monica every time they did something new. Like when Jake learned how to ride the bike that Chandler had gotten early for his fourth birthday. Monica had to endure the painful sight of watching her brother, Ross, teaching her son how to ride the bike that Chandler had so proudly boughten. He wasn't here to see his son's first birthday and watch him form sentences he wasn't there to hear him ask where his Daddy was.  
  
Monica had begun to give up hope that her beloved husband would ever return to their home. He hadn't been heard from in years and the cold reality of it all was setting in. She even began to stop setting a place for Chandler to eat at the table. But no matter how long he had been gone, or if he would ever come back, the small family of three still each slept with a t-shirt of Chandler's every night. Monica had gotten a better job at a restaurant to help support her family while Chandler was away. Her life had begun to come back into order again, but she feared that the one puzzle piece that was so important would never be found.  
  
It had been two and a half years since the day Chandler left when Monica got a knock at her door late at night. It was Friday and she thought that it was Ross and Rachel coming over to visit but who it was surprised her. There was her husband standing there dripping wet, it was raining outside, and with a look on his face that she couldn't decipher. He looked happy to be home and at the same time he looked like he just wanted to die there and then. Embracing him in a hug she cried when she felt him hug back, it had been so long.  
  
"Oh my gawd Chandler your home..your home finally.." she said repeating the words over and over again as they both began to get wet and cold as the rain continued to fall on them as they hugged each other for dear life, never wanting to let go again. Once they finally pulled away Monica no longer saw the twinkle that had once been held in her husband's eyes, she only saw a dull ache. That was what had worried her the most, he would never be the same.  
  
Jake and Matthew had now come to the door wondering what was taking their mother so long to come back in. It only took a second for Jake to figure out who the man was standing in the doorway.  
  
"DADDY!!!!!!!!" he screamed happily before jumping into his open arms. Matthew didn't recognize him at first but when he heard Chandler tell Jake how much he had missed him, he recognized the voice as his father's, the man who had sung him to sleep all those years ago. He too jumped into his father's embrace they all stood there, soaking wet in the pouring rain welcoming home the man they thought they would never again see.  
  
He showed up all wet on the rainy front step.  
  
Wearing shrapnel in his skin.  
  
And the war he saw lives inside him still,  
  
It's so hard to be gentle and warm.  
  
The years pass by and now he has granddaughters  
  
Its true what people say that war changes a person. Monica's husband was never the same once he walked out that door almost three years ago. He had aged in the following years, they both had, but he more then she. They had had one more child, a girl who they named Julie after a woman who had been a close friend of Monica's while Chandler was gone. They now had five granddaughters, both sons had gotten married and weirdly both had daughters. Jake had three daughters and Matthew had two. Julie who was only one year younger then Matthew, had just gotten married to an incredible man named Dan. Monica and Chandler both liked Dan and both felt like he would make their only daughter happier then she ever thought. Monica and Chandler both still live in the same house that they have for the past thirty or so years, it holds too many memories to get rid of it.  
  
Chandler has never been the same. He acts the same as he did before he left for the war, but only Monica can see the truth, in his eyes. The happiness is no longer there, it has been replaced with a sadness that won't seem to go away. Only at the birth of Julie did that sadness make way for happiness and joy, but only for a split second, then they were back to the way they always were, a dull aching sadness.  
  
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,  
  
I want to know right now what will it be.  
  
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,  
  
Will it be yes or will it be sorry?  
  
It was Monica and Chandler's 50th anniversary and their children had thrown them a big surprise party. If you were to ask Chandler about his wife you would hear this.  
  
"Speech time Dad." Julie said grabbing her father by the arm and dragging him to the microphone. He father had gotten better and happier over time but he wasn't the man he used to be.  
  
"Well I guess that I better say something about my lovely wife before she beats me for not saying anything." he looks at Monica lovingly and smiles. "I know that I haven't been the same since I went off to that horrible war so many years ago but in spite of all that she never left me, in fact she even had another one of my children and I will be forever grateful that you gave me our children that thankfully look more like their beautiful mother then me." he received laughs at this statement and looking at his wife he saw that she too was laughing. "I don't think I could put into words what I feel for my wife. She's the most amazing person I have ever met my entire life. The only thing I can say to her is to tell her how much I love her and how I always will because Mon you are my lifeline, all that time when I was at war and not knowing whether I would come home or not I would just picture your face and I would be comforted. I love you more every day I'm with you and I will love you forever." walking down from the stand he kissed his wife who was silently weeping over his words, it had been so long but he finally seemed to be coming back to her.  
  
"Don't think you can get away without a speech Mom," Matthew said smiling. "Get on up there and give a better speech than Dad."  
  
"Hey!!" Chandler said.  
  
"Okay," Matthew corrected himself, "A shorter speech." he said smiling at his father who was smiling and laughing back.  
  
Walking up to the podium, Monica didn't know what she would say, how could she tell all of these people how much she loved this one single man.  
  
"I just want to thank all of you for coming tonight to celebrate our 50th anniversary." She was nervous, having never liked speaking in front of people before but one look at Chandler's smiling face gave her the strength to try to put into words what she was feeling. "You don't know how happy it makes me to see my husband smiling again. He has the most beautiful and sexy smile I have ever seen. I met him so many years ago and I never believed before but it was love at first site and that first site was when we were in high school, we were at a dance. When he asked for a dance I knew that it was the start of something special and look how it turned out. Three children and 50 years of marriage later I love him more then I ever did. Its hard to believe that I lived without him for so long. But whether he wants to admit it or not Matty is a replica of his father except he doesn't have that sarcastic wit, thank the Lord. Now to sum up, and make this shorter then Chandler's I will repeat what he said, that I love you everyday I am with you and I will love you forever." walking down to her husband they kissed and the whole group of people who had gathered for the event began to clap and cheer.  
  
You look at me from across the room  
  
You're wearing your anguish again  
  
Believe me I know the feeling  
  
It sucks you into the jaws of anger.  
  
So breathe a little more deeply my love  
  
All we have is this very moment  
  
And I don't want to do what his father,  
  
and his father, and his father did,  
  
I want to be here now.  
  
The night was over and everyone was gone. Monica and Chandler had been home for awhile and were just sitting contently before Chandler spoke.  
  
"Mon do you hate the way that I am since the war?"  
  
"Well yes and no. When you first came back I thought that I would never have the same man that I married back again. But now look at you, your almost like you used to be. I would love you no matter how you were Chandler."  
  
"Did you ever want to leave me to get away from it all?"  
  
"No, and where did all of this come from? I'm still here aren't I?"  
  
Looking away sheepishly he replied, "I was just thinking about your speech today and couldn't help but wonder how you felt about everything when I was like that...all different."  
  
Taking his hand Monica smiled, "I was scared sure, but I never loved you more. Its fifty years later from our wedding day and I'm still here so don't dwell on the past anymore."  
  
Smiling he leaned in to give her a sweet kiss meant to show her how much she meant to him. Pulling back he whispered, "I love you."  
  
"I love you too." she replied smiling. 


End file.
